The Darkness Within
by CEP914
Summary: I have failed myself already. I became lost in the madness and the madness won. Next time will be different. Next time I know what I have to do to set us free of the madness. AU Babe
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Not making any money.

A/N: It's been forever since I've been on here. Even longer since I've actually posted something. I can't promise to finish my open stories at this point (see profile) but I hope regular updates here will help everyone to forgive me for disappearing so suddenly. With everything finally getting back on track over here I'm excited to come back to the wonderful world of fanfiction.

This story has been sitting in my rough draft folder for years. I have a feeling quite a few people will think of this as a rather predictable story and plot line so I was reluctant to post it in the past. Please wait until the end to judge! As with all my stories, what is expected to happen and what actually happens isn't always the same thing.

**AU. Babe. First time Morelli friendly *wink*. Rated for violence.**

Hope you like it! Thanks for reading.  
>-Cyn<p>

**The Darkness Within  
>Prologue<strong>

__Stay or go. Run or hide. Fight or flight. No one really knows how they will react in any given situation. We hope we'll be strong enough, brave enough to face things head on but until we are actually there standing in front of our demons we can only pray and hope to do the right thing. It's these moments that truly define us. The weak can stand tall. The brave can fall hard. It's all just one big guessing game until our time comes.__

_I have failed myself already. I became lost in the madness and the madness won. Next time will be different. Next time I know what I have to do to set us free of the madness._

_The darkness within him will not win._

There was no hesitation. I had already let us down too many times. I leaned down and picked up the discarded gun. Its heavy weight was calming in an entirely unexpected way. It would bring an end to all of this.

_Finally_.

Walking closer to the struggling pair I steadily pointed the gun towards the man that ruined us. He took away our spirit, our drive, our belief that good still dominated in this world. He stripped us of everything that made us human until all that was left were two unrecognizable molds of skin and bones with no hope or faith.

They were completely unaware of what was going on behind them. One cowered into themselves while the other continued to strike out at the defenseless person underneath him. One moment slapping or punching her, the next gripping her face hard as an endless stream of profanity flew out of his mouth.

Taking one step forward, I aimed carefully and pulled the trigger.

A pair of wide eyes found mine in shock and . . . hope.

We were free.

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><p>AN: There is a reason for the anonymity here. The who, what, where, when and why will be explained in the coming chapters. Reviews are lovely!


	2. Fear In The Peace

Disclaimer – All characters belong to the lucky JE and I am not making any money from them.

A/N: My Stephanie is 32 in this story.

Hope you like it! Thanks for reading.  
>Cyn<p>

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><p><strong>The Darkness Within<br>Chapter 01: Fear in the Peace**

The drive back to New Jersey was quiet. The roads were clear. The sky was dark. The only sounds I heard were from the low hum of music on the radio and a soft snoring from the back seat. The peacefulness of it all frightened me. Every cell in my body was humming in trepidation, just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I had lived in a constant state of fear for over ten years. Knowing I could have happiness in my life again and actually accepting it where two completely different things. Even as I told myself that the bad years were over, I was constantly waiting for the world to shift again. To go back to that terrible place. To wake up and realize nothing had changed. To realize that we were still trapped in that house.

With that man.

With no will.

With no hope for tomorrow.

The never-ending battle within myself was wearing me down. Even on his worst days I wasn't this emotionally exhausted. I knew where I stood in the world. I knew how he would react to certain things. Now though, without him, I had to face the world again and it was terrifying. It was as if I had no ground to stand on anymore. All these people around me, and I didn't have any idea how they would react to anything. Everything had me on edge. I can't trust what I don't know. And in this bright new world I knew absolutely nothing.

I had to keep reminding myself that I wasn't that woman anymore. There was no need to be so scared. I didn't need to keep myself in check now. I could say and do whatever I wanted without being lashed out at. There was no reason to hide in myself anymore. There were only reasons to live.

My greatest reason sat right behind me.

A glance in the mirror reconfirmed the world was right side up. Amelia was safe and sound. Everything healed as if nothing ever happened. I thanked God every day that he never touched her. She'd been my perfect little girl for thirteen years until my worst nightmare came true. That night something inside me snapped. That night I fought back and our world changed in an instant. That night was the first and last night he ever touched her.

Shaking my head clear of those thoughts, I glanced at the dashboard clock. It was almost 3 am. I was half way through my 9 hour drive back home to Trenton. It was nice to feel as though I had a home again. The minute I graduated and turned eighteen I was out of that house with a promise of the perfect life with the perfect man. We'd been dating for a year and a half and were completely inseparable. Our life was planned out. All I had to do was finish school then we would get married, go to college, and have amazing careers before finally starting a family.

It's amazing how naïve I was.

We did get married as soon as the courts allowed. Only he went to college though. Only he had a successful career. What about me? Well I found out I was pregnant after only being married for four month. That's when my world turned upside down and inside out. The man I married changed before my very eyes. The stress of living an as an adult with adult problems was too much for him. He took his frustration out on me and I didn't know how to stop him.

Another glance in the mirror and I knew I wouldn't have changed anything about me leaving New Jersey all those years ago. There was no way I could regret having this little girl in my life. She was what kept me going for all these years. She kept me from breaking apart. She kept me alive.

Amelia Renee Howark.

God sometimes I still can't believe that I have a teenage daughter. And she was definitely my daughter. The same wild hair. The same blue eyes. And a strong desire to fly.

Everything about her when she was younger was all butterflies, books, and bikes. If she wasn't reading she was riding her bike around the local park. If she wasn't on her bike she was collecting everything butterfly's. Amelia had a whole wall of her room covered in butterfly stickers at one point. I'm sure I have a picture of it somewhere.

Mia was all sunshine and smiles in a dark, ugly world. Moving back to Trenton will only help her grow into the amazing person I know she'll become. I can give her all the opportunities she never dared to ask for. Dance classes, school clubs, and sleepovers with friends. I can give her all those things and so much more now. I can give her the happy childhood she deserves.

At thirteen though, I could hardly call her a child anymore. No she was already more grown and mature than anyone her age has a right to be.

Her sleepy voice made my heart pound in my chest. "What are you thinking about so hard mom?" I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn't even noticed she woke up.

She was shifting in her seat, trying to get comfortable with the seatbelt I wouldn't let her unbuckle. "Nothing baby," I said quietly. "Just go back to sleep. We still have a long way to go."

"I'm awake now," she said with her hand covering her mouth, already in the middle of a yawn.

I laughed reached a hand back to pat her knee. "Sure looks like it."

"Aren't you tired?" Her eyes kept closing as she struggled to stay awake. "Do you want to take a break?"

"I'm fine Mia. Don't worry about me. I stopped at a rest stop about an hour ago while you were snoring away," I teased.

She half glared at me. "I do _not _snore."

"Mmhmm." It was a struggle not to grin too widely. The two things you could never say to my daughter: The fact that she snored and anything about the dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose.

"Whatever mom." She turn even more and fluffed up her pillow before angrily slamming her head onto it, eyes tightly closed.

Still smiling I said, "I love you Mia."

She stayed quiet. Reaching back I pinched her leg lightly. She grunted and moved it as far away as she could. Laughing softly I brought my arm back around to the steering wheel. "If you don't say it back I'll start singing."

"Oh God," she groaned opening her eyes to find mine in the mirror. "Do you want me to go deaf? Your loud shrieking can hardly be considered singing mom."

"I'll have you know that you loved when I sang as a baby."

Amelia snorted. Another trait she got from me. "Yeah, cause I didn't know any better."

When she didn't say anything else I cleared my throat and turned up the radio. "The sun goes dowwwwwwwn," I sung at the top of my lungs.

"Ok, ok, ok," she yelled, throwing her hands up. "Fine! I love you too! There, ok? Are you happy now?"

With a wide grin I turned the radio back down. "I'm very happy actually."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever mom." Mia squirmed back into a comfortable position, eyes closing already. "I'm going back to sleep."

It wasn't long before her breathing evened back out and I could hear her soft snores start up again.

Glancing at the clock again I saw that I was lost in my thoughts for over an hour which I was more than happy with. It wasn't an hour lost to me at all. It was one hour closer to being back home.

Home to a place where my daughter and I can start over.

A place where we can finally live in peace.

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><p>AN: So with a little bit of back story out of the way, what could be waiting for Stephanie and Amelia in Trenton? Who will be there? Who won't be? Reviews are lovely!


	3. Fighter In The Fallen

Disclaimer – All characters belong to the lucky JE and I am not making any money from them.

A/N: I kept changing my mind on how I wanted to introduce certain characters into this story (I scrapped two whole chapters which is why this update is a little late). Now that I got it all figured out things should be picking up pretty soon!

Imagine Steph's apartment with a hallway to the right that opens up to two bedrooms and has a bathroom at the end :)

Hope you like it! Thanks for reading.  
>Cyn<p>

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><p><strong>The Darkness Within<br>Chapter 02: Fighter in the Fallen  
><strong>

"You sure it's ok if I want to take a class?" Mia asked as we sat on the floor of the living room in our new apartment. We were both sitting Indian style watching some bizarre documentary about incredible pet talents. Despite the weirdness, we agree that the dancing hamster was pretty cute. Between us was an army's worth of half empty cartons of Chinese food.

Instead of a lazy dinner, I'd prefer to think of it as a reward for finishing unpacking all our stuff in one day. Not that there was that much to unpack in the first place. I sold off everything in the house except for our clothes and the bare essentials we needed before we could get back on our feet here in Trenton.

I put my carton of General Gau's Chicken back on the floor and looked over at Mia. "Of course you can. Why? Did you find something already?"

We didn't get to the apartment until almost eleven o'clock this morning. Seventy five percent of that was because of traffic and stopping for breakfast. The other part was pure avoidance. I knew if we got in too early I wouldn't be able to convince my mother we were too tired to go to the house for dinner tonight. At least this way I could say that we had to unpacked and wait for furniture delivery without her calling me out on not coming over immediately.

Tomorrow though, World War III couldn't stop my mother from guilting me into dinner. But I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Basically what I'm saying is we were holed up in the apartment all day so there was no way Amelia could have found anything that she might be interested in yet.

Mia shrugged one shoulder and picked at some fried rice. "What about," she paused purposely not looking at me, "like the money and stuff?"

So that's what this was all about.

I sighed and pushed some of the cartons out of the way so I could move closer. "Look at me," I said softly. I waited until she did, with her wide nervous eyes, before I continued. "You don't need to be worrying about money Amelia. That's kind of my job as the parent, alright? If I thought money was going to be a problem then I wouldn't have brought it up." Thinking back to this morning I added, "I saw your face when we pulled up to this apartment building. It's not the best looking place on the outside but it's got plenty of room for us and it's close to your school but far enough away from grandma and grandpa that they won't just stop over without calling." We both smiled at that. "Money isn't going to be a problem for a while honey, I promise."

While I didn't get exactly what I wanted for the house it was a decent offer for such a hurried sale. There were a few houses for sale in the area but I thought it would be better for Amelia and I to be around other people for a while.

Mia thought about what I said for a minute before nodding. "So I can take any class I want to?"

"Of course," I said immediately. Then I added, "within reason. Why? What were you thinking of?"

Mia hesitated before telling me. "I was kind of interested in karate or something like that." She looked away and started playing with the hem of her shirt, a nervous habit she's always had.

Somehow I didn't think her choice had to do with any real interest in it.

It took everything I had in me to keep my tears back. I wasn't sure if I was more ashamed as a mother for putting her through so much or proud of her decision to try and take charge.

"Oh honey," I sighed, pulling her into a hug. She tucked her head under my chin and it wasn't long before I felt her tears soak through my shirt. Mia never made a sound though, just held onto me tight, her body shaking slightly against mine. "Shhh," I whispered, running my hand through her hair.

It wasn't the first time either of us cried and I'm sure it won't be the last. The fact that Mia was crying in front of me lifted a little of the weight off of my heart. She's always been an independent girl so after everything happened it wasn't really a surprise that she didn't let me help her. Her therapist had said she was handling things better than anyone could expect that in time she would let her guard down and be the kid she so desperately tried to grow out of. I've never been happier to have someone else be right.

We sat like that for a long time. The pet show had ended a while ago. It wasn't a surprise that Mia was the first to pull away, head ducked so that her hair covered most of her face.

Before she could say anything or try to escape to her room, I poked her side not too gently with my foot. "Go get your laptop."

I rolled my eyes when her head snapped up to look at me. "Why?"

With the way her voice sounded it was as if I asked her to chop off her own head. "Just go get it."

"What are you going to do?" She asked, even more suspicious.

I poked her with my foot again. "Go."

She stared at me for a second before letting out a big sigh. "Fine." She trudged off to her room, making a big deal out of having to get up. When she came back out, laptop in hand, she was unwilling to hand it over.

I rolled my eyes again and grabbed it out of her hands. "I'm not going to take it away for heaven's sake. I just need to look up something."

Mia relaxed slightly and sat next to me, watching as I opened up a browser. "What," she asked.

I didn't say anything, just started typing into Google. The big grin I saw out of the corner of my eye made me smile. We went through a few of the websites, trying to decide what would be the best fit. Honestly though, there weren't all that many to choose from. In the end the top search seemed to the best one. Not only was it here in Trenton, close enough for Mia to walk if she had to, but every review we saw was amazing. Plus there were a variety of classes she could pick from. If there was something she didn't like it wouldn't be hard to find another class for her.

Mia thanked me twenty times as I filled out the online form. "As long as you keep your grades up you can take whatever you want," I told her.

She half snorted, half laughed. "My grades are always great."

"Keep them that way."

"Duh, Ma. You know I will."

I ignored the duh part and finished filling in our information. I held the curser over the submit button watching Mia's grinning face. "Are you sure you want to do this," I teased. "Cause I can just close the window."

She reached over and hit the submit button herself.

I laughed and kissed her head. "Happy?"

She nodded eagerly.

"Good," I smiled. "Now help me clean this mess up," I added pointing to the forgotten Chinese around us.

Mia groaned but dutifully did as she was told.

After signing her up for classes at Rangeman Studio, she had better do as I say for a long time.

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><p>AN: Who'da thunk Rangeman would have just what the Plum girls needed ;) Dinner with the Plums is next! What craziness is Steph trying to avoid there? Reviews are lovely!


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